Seeking from Within

(06.07) Guru's Grace - Varahi Virya Nandita

2011-06-10T12:47:00.039-04:00

Amba Devi - Amaravati

Amaravati: Full of Ambrosia: This is probably the 3rd time I am hearing this name from the depths of my conscience. I am somehow associated with this name because I have never heard of it, till my conscience made me aware. Some research on Google revealed these facts.

According to the Hindu belief – ‘Amaravati is the capital city in the Celestial Kingdom of Swarga’, located on the Eastern spur of the Meru mountain. It is said to have a thousand gates and believed to have fruits of all seasons, jewels and other objects of pleasure. Temperature does not exist nor does qualities like Depression or sadness. The lovely Apsaras add to the beauty of this city. It is said to be the land of Indra’s heaven. It is the land of fallen warrior heroes or those who performed penance and sacrifice. The name means ‘Full of Ambrosia’ -. Courtesy – Book – ‘Dictionary of Ancient Deities’.


Ekvira Devi - Amaravati

It was just before I woke up one morning: I saw the beautiful face of a Goddess and heard the word ‘Amaravati’ several times. Google search for ‘Goddess Amaravati’ gave me some interesting hits. I found 2 very ancient goddesses – Amba Devi & Ekvira Devi in Maharashtra- They are worshiped just as a face in their respective temples and are an avatara of Shakti. Their temples have been constructed in the early 1600s and are still functional. For more details of these temples visit:

http://amravati.gov.in/htmldocs/ambadevi.htm

This also interesting had a story of Krishna in the background It is believed that Krisha eloped with his lover and sought Amba Devi's blessings at this temple here in Amaravati!

Contact with Divinity Hearing anklets during broad day light has been the awareness of Divinity this month. My office serves as a Swami Room. As i sit rattling away on my computer on a project I am working on, I heard anklets for the longest time one day and a for a brief few minutes with my sister in the room as well on another day! We couldnt help wonder where the sound came from?

Another interesting phenomena with my soul exhibiting ‘All pervasiveness’ is having a dialogue in different languages. While i know Hindi, and can read /write, I dont talk to anyone in Hindi at home. During meditation at night, as I retire to bed, I have heard dialogues in Hindi, felt I understood the whole thing, however when i woke up had no memory of it. Or while asking for some question of my conscience would get words from the sentence that made perfect sense during the night but would be a puzzle the next morning, because i would have no memory of the dialogue. Using a word or 2 that i remember, I would try to trace back the events of meditation but have not had much luck. Since I feel a strong connection to Pulipani siddhar, one night as I was going to sleep I asked for guidance of my Gurus and the Siddhars. One way to know they are with me is seeing a lot of violet light. I was once asking the Siddhars, especially Pulipani Siddhar how he managed to live in society? How did his worship of the Divine in 'Form' lead him to realize the formless aspect of creation? I also asked how he worshiped the Divine Mother? I recevied an answer, one that I couldnt remember very well. I was getting pretty delirious in my sleep and felt like i tried very hard to remember things with my mind, but it felt like my tongue was slipping and so was my consciousness. The next morning when I woke up, my consciousness brought up words such as ‘banned’, ‘discriminated’ making me wonder why I would say such things in my sleep? or Who would say them to me? more importantly in what context?

Thoughts crystallized in Water - Image courtesy - Internet

Thoughts materialize into Karma: Birthing thoughts and birthing children are the same: As you sow so shall you reap! They grow and grow and you get attached to them. Baba always reminds me that I need to observe all the thoughts - make no judgement of them being good or bad - meaning I need to become more inclusive of everything around me - I should not allow judgement to attach myself to certain thoughts and reject the others: offer all of them at his feet & caution -- Hold on to none of them! For when we hold on to thoughts we give them power to materialize into action - Karma! Thoughts are very powerful entities, one which we cannot take lightly.
At the beginning of this month Baba has been asking me to be very stringent with my thoughts. He had told me to analyze every thought and diligently surrender to him all of them, especially the ones I felt were even remotely petty. Its been a pretty excruciating process because one becomes extremely conscious of words uttered and thoughts that pass. I have also been given by Baba several opportunities to concentrate into nothing and do mantra japam of the wonderful Panchadasi mantra at ease. Every time i have felt a bout of internal quietude, i have immediately done mantra japam irrespective of the noise in the external environment at great ease. Something i struggled with last month, but am able to do without any effort this month! A great stride from my Being without any effort on my part as an Ego. All i do differently: is look at everything more with an attitude of Surrender than trying to control the situation with the physical/mental(Ego) self.

As if to re-enforce his message, Baba had me see some beautiful videos of the Japan researcher Dr Masaru Emoto on the power of thoughts on water. Being completely in awe of what I saw, I resolved to be very cautious about my thoughts and words. Then came my tests which i failed miserably. While the gift of awareness has been an extraordinary blessing, the process of changing and constantly witnessing thought patterns has been excruciatingly painful. It is also quite shocking to be aware of so much of mental garbage that your mind processes without you even being aware of it, untill Baba asked me to observe myself very keenly!

June 6th Panchami: Tests and Blessings: My son was constantly troubling me by not eating. After spending 45 mins with him and begging him to not smack the food spoon on my face repeatedly a few times i lost my calm and hit him. My boy didnt cry though he was hurt and and eventually finished his meal. I was so ashamed of myself for succumbing to a little child’s play and stooping to the level of losing my anger and hitting him. You cannot imagine.. this has to be experienced. When you are completely aware that it is a test from the Divine and know very well that your SatGuru is observing you and yet you miserably fail - not learning from the experience, you wish you did not exist! I wished the earth would consume me out of sheer shame for not passing my lessons in evolution. I profusely apologized to him and begged for Baba’s pardon, being completely aware that i had miserably failed in His test of patience and love.

The test was not done: I failed yet again, this time with my husband. I got very upset over an argument with my husband and stooped down to some harsh words. There was a part of me wallowing in self pity and another in anger for failing the test of ‘good thoughts again’, and even though i was Surrendering my miserable state to Baba, there was a part of me that didnt want to let go of the nasty experience. I struggled to get over it and make amends with my husband immediately. I prayed to Baba again, accepting that I once again failed his test. This time i felt very torn - part of me said - ‘ this was not you - you were merely the witness’, yet another part didnt want to ‘Let Go’ of the self pity confirming that it was my experience. I read my son some stories and we retired to bed.

Baba spoke to me. He said - ‘ You often come to me saying you want to serve humanity. You cannot even serve the ones you Love the most? How are you going to serve my children?’ I was very ashamed and my Soul begged pardon. Baba continued to say that He had given me this experience to continue my journey in detached - attachment. That i should not expect anything or depend on anyone for my happiness. My spiritual journey was mine own and I need to accept it. At this point I was not sure whether I was sleeping or awake because i saw various forms - that of ‘Baba’, perhaps ‘Ganesha’, ‘Devi’. Several forms of light going in and out of my conscience, it felt very angelic and peaceful. I heard the word ‘Jagan Mogana’ several times. I ignored it thinking it was yet another phrase from my conscience. But i was alerted and given a few lines for a song. I couldnt tell whether it was for Ganesha or Krishna.

My beloved Krishna

As the song started to flow i realized it was for Krishna

Jagan Mohana Nayaka

Ramaniya Pathra

Nannu koola nandhana

Parandhaama Parama athama

Pasupathe Sitapathey

Rukumani Vallabha athma

I heard Krishna tell me - Why yearn for Human Love, Mother? Love me with all your heart and I will be with you forever’, another song began to unfold for Krishna. It was given to me a few times, even though i didnt right it down at that time, it came back quickly the next day in the afternoon and I wrote it down.

Vaa vaa vilayadalam vaa

vennaiyum thairum thedalaam vaa

Kanaam puchi aadalaam vaa

Gopikalai cheendalaam vaa

Yamuna atril kuzal koovalaam vaa

Yashodhai idam konjalam vaa

vilayadalam vaa vaa

I felt like Krishna was taking my hand and going someplace and I let go of myself. His innocent love was was so strong I was carried away by the experience - couldnt write the poem. I hugged my son and I immediately fell asleep. I kept asking ‘Who am I, Why am I here’ of Amaravati whom I heard from my conscience a few times. I believe Amaravati is an aspect of me - perhaps a guiding Angel or the name of my pure conscience? I am not sure, however i feel a strong connection to this name.

Offering Puja to the Sri Chakra In my dream i saw some visions. In this vision i saw my mother who was the owner of a home, while I was a little working servant child who came to clean Her house as well. She was not happy with me because i was late and was asking me what kept me so long? I told Her that i was cleaning my hands, my feet so that I can offer Kumkum archana for the Sri chakra in the next house where I was a maid as well. She had one too, but the whole room where she kept it was very messy. I was busy doing Puja thats why my hands were red and I was late. This dream was an interesting experience because that day in the morning when I applied Kumkum, Ambal told me that it had been a while since i did abishekam for Her and that I should do it the next day a Tuesday auspicious for Her.

Close resemblance to photo in Experience

Beloved Mother Varahi creating Bliss in my Heart: Then there was some noise and around 5.30 we were all woken up. I saw my husband and my mind was returned to the scene from yesterday and I realized that my physical being was still upset. As I struggled to let go of the prior nights experience, I woke with the thought ‘ Who am I, why am I here Amaravati?’ and continued to ask this question again and again. We all went quickly back to sleep for a few more minutes. This time I had a very vivid experience. In my experience, I was in my home with my mother and father. My husband was talking about our home being an expensive investment. I was telling my mother, I just wanted to leave. I wanted to go away from this place because I was unhappy. I was headed North, I cant tell clearly. My mother said that my father was headed South since he was not happy either. In my experience i owned a photo frame. This frame had a picture of the Goddess that I wanted to take with me. However in all the packing to vacate the house, this picture as I noticed had developed a hole in it to the top left, facing me. It was a picture with brown, gray, silver overtones, surely housing the picture of a Devi - I couldnt tell who this Devi was. Then I quickly turned around to ask my mother who had caused this damage to the picture and was transported to a different scene.

Images closely resembling my vision


Image from www.Varahibangalore.org - Mother lives in Sri Balaram's Home

Varahi - Tanjore Periya Kovil

In this scene, there was a picture of a Goddess - she was hung against a wall which appeared to have a mirror or a cupboard standing against it. The Goddess had silver adorning Her. I cannot remember whether it was just Her face or Her whole form. Her Face had black /brown /silver overtones. I was told that she was Varahi. This is the 2nd time i am seeing Varahi in my dreams while I am not a ardent follower of this beautiful Goddess. There was a man - he was chubby, wheatish complexion, curly hair, stout, in his late 40ies.. He chanted some mantra and this picture transported herself into an exquisite damsel.

She was slender, tall, probably dressed in a red saree..in her early 40ies.. she was very fair, blemish-less complexion and skin,, she had a large kumkum on her forehead. She had a human form. However every-time i saw the picture and then saw Her, there was merge - like the picture merged into Her human form reassuring me that it was Varahi’s human form. I was dumb founded. He was applying kumkum on her face, neck, feet, arms and was in Bliss giving Her worship in Human form. She was accepting it. Then suddenly she took the form of this man for a brief few seconds as well. This man told me that this has been his experience for the past 25 years! That every-time he worshiped this picture, Mother came in human form to accept his worship. I told him i thought he was doing the detailed Navavarana Puja with Sri Kramam, Lalita Kramam, Navavarnam & Pancha upachara puja.. but really He was expereincing Bliss, having direct contact with Divine Mother just being in Her presence!

The man told me that She was Varahi from Kedarnath. After I woke up, and did some research on Google, I was able to confirm that there is actually a Varahi temple in Kedar-Badri Nath area! What a beautiful gift from my conscience! Here again is a connection with Krishna.

Ukhimath Temple - courtesy - JaiKedar.blogspot.com

The Ukhimath temple in Kedar-Badri area has its main deity as Usha & Anirudh(grandson of Krishna). There is a sanctum of Goddess Varahi here.
"It is beleived that the Wedding of Usha (Daughter of Vanasur) and Anirudh (Grandson of Lord Krishna) was solemnized here. By name of Usha this place was named as Ushamath, now known as Ukhimath. King Mandhata penances Lord Shiva here. During winter the Utsav Doli of Lord Kedarnath is brought from Kedarnath to this place. Winter puja of Lord Kedarnath and year round puja of Lord Omkareshwar is performed here. This temple is situated at Ukhimath which is at a distance of 41 km from Rudraprayag." Source: http://www.badarikedar.org/content-kedar.aspx?id=52

I know I am somehow strongly related to the child god Krishna. Recently it appears that almost every experience has some remote connection with this beautiful child in my life.

Then something even more peculiar happened. Varahi spread our her feet stretching in opposite direction almost being flat to the ground and offered ‘Namaskaram’ to me, bowing Her whole body and hands to me. I was horrified, mortified that a mere mortal should get a namaskaram from the Devi! I screamed ‘ what are you doing?’, ‘Amma You are the Devi, not me’. Then I did the same posture and remembered making my feet extend to touch her 2 feet and bowed down to Her. I cannot remember whether I applied vermilion to Her feet or She did to mine. I was just in awe of Her beautiful form and couldnt take my eyes off Her.

Then another woman came to the same room. She was chubby, looked poor, was wearing an old saree, spectacles, curly hair. She was with her husband. They were both in their early 50ies perhaps? Varahi summoned this woman to come close to Her(Goddess) to receive Puja for Her feet. The lady asked who are you? And Varahi said 'I am a shakti of ‘Devi’. Instead of being appalled like me, this lady said - ‘Yes I am ready.. i have been doing Lakshmi Puja all my life’. Then my vision disappeared, however the miracle continued...

I was filled with exuberant love in my heart center. I was told that I need to treat everyone like the Mother, I experienced in my vision. That I was the Goddess and need to just allow the energy of the Divine - filled with compassion, love and peace flow through me! There was so much love, joy and just Bliss, all I wanted to do was hug everyone and share this energy. The negative experience from the prior night was completely wiped out. No trace of any remorse, regret, frustration self pity or hurt remained in my being. I was shocked. Just completely shocked!. If my ego had to rid of this experience it would take a lot of effort to wipe the hurt out, however with Divine Experience, i received complete healing. I apologised several times with my husband for my harsh words and thoughts. Its unbelievable. I cant explain it in words. The transformation from a petty ego to an expansive consciousness has to be experienced: even if momentary, the experience is extraordinary! Making one wonder the constant state of Mother consciousness that our Gurus must be experiencing and the immense blessings we have availed to be associated with them! Words, feelings, images do no justice. You become a clean slate, devoid of negative impressions, ready to just serve as a receiver and transmitter of Divine Will. Its extra-ordinary. The power of Mantra Japam and the love of a Motherly Guru has to be experienced, it cannot be explained! To know that this experience occured on Panchami - the day auspicious for Varahi was no simple co-incidence!

The next day, my conscience kept chanting the line from Lalita Sahasranama without any effort on my part the whole day - Bala Vikrama Nandita, Varahi Virya Nandita. It was like my Deiva Guru from the Sri Vidya lineage - child goddess Bala Tripurasundari.. constantly re-assuring me that She was the one who gave me this experience of Varahi and it was not my imagination. Ashada Navarathri or Varahi Navarthri is around the corner (as I learned after this experience) in early July. Guru and Devi willing, I will be able to offer my love and service to Her during this auspicious time.

There were several domestic challenges at home that night and I couldnt do abishekam for the Sri Chakra, even though I have been thinking about it the whole day. Mother Varahi is to be worshiped after sunset and before dawn. While it didnt materialize in physical form, the intent to do worship was very strong. As I was putting my son to sleep, I mentally performed the abhisekam for the Sri chakra with vermilion, sandal, turmeric, milk, honey, curd and offered my love and devotion to the Divine Mother Varahi. After this, I kept opening my eyes a few times. Every time i opened my eyes, I saw a small black circle/patch almost like a spider’s large web disappear within a few seconds near my (Ajna) third eye center. This happened at-least 4 times to my knowledge and i went into deep sleep soon after.

Sri Balaram doing Puja for Ambal Varahi at his residence. I saw this room in my vision

All knowing Consciousness tallies Experience/Vision with Real Life: I was constantly given the message to create a new post and share these experiences immediately, it was a busy day and I kept putting it off. Interestingly that morning my mother called to say that She has been very depressed the whole week due to my grandmother's death ceremonies and needed a Pranic Healing. It was almost like the dream from the prior night confirmed that I was going to clean my mother's house as a servant - which perhaps had symbolic meaning of 'cleaning her negative emotions with prayer'. I prayed for Her intently that afternoon and checked with her later. I was happy to know that she felt much better after the prayer. I had decided that I was going to consolidate all the events and make one large entry by end of month. Mother was gently reminding me that this was Her work and I had no decision in it. Whether it be the experiences I document or the pictures I add to the blog, She is the Director and I am merely the scribe. There was a very strong urge to do this and so around 11.30 PM i started to search for nice pictures of Varahi to add to the post. My search the prior day did not yield favorable results to find a image that closely resembled my vision. I had found a couple pictures, but hadnt nailed on the exact ones yet! I settled for a few nice pictures, but one of them caught my attention. It was not a picture of Varahi, but a room in which a man was doing puja for a goddess. I couldnt tell who the Goddess was. This room seemed very familiar to me. It strongly resembled the room where I saw the vision of the man doing puja to Varahi. This gets even more interesting..

The picture landed me on a page called www.varahibangalore.org. The picture of the main deity being worshiped tallied very well with my dream and so did the room where the worship was offered. The person doing the Puja was a close resemblance. I couldnt see his face very well.. but his physique matched well with the vision. I couldnt complete the post. I was just completely awe struck by the miracle and was reading quite a bit on this website. As Guruji says, there are no co-incidences, everything has the hand of God.. i read on this website that Varahi is also worshiped as Ekavira. There was an Ekavira temple in the town of Amaravati. I am not sure if it has any connection at all, however i couldnt believe that there was even a correlation with the name! I recieved a very strong message to reach out to my guruji and understand how to worship Divine Mother Varahi.

Goddess Varahi is the commander in chief of Goddess LalitaTripuraSundari. According to Guruji, Sri Vidya Upasana is incomplete without the worship of Varahi. She takes the form of a boar to remove the deep seated negative energies (Karma, thoughts, actions, desires, feelings) from our being, allowing Divinity to permeate our consciousness deeper and deeper, so we may realize our true nature - Divine Consciousness.

You can learn more about Her through these sources
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varahi
http://shaktisadhana.50megs.com/Newhomepage/shakti/varahi.html
http://www.varahibangalore.org/varahi_information.html
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/religious-places-and-spiritual-people/4716-photos-of-deities-75.html
http://www.ammas.com/ar/home.cfm?r=va&qid=160109&bid=0&topicid=941

http://www.ammas.com/ar/home.cfm?r=va&qid=182727&bid=0&topicid=941

http://www.scribd.com/doc/17737237/Varahi-Vijayam-Spirutal-Astrology-magazine-Saktha-Shri-Varahi-Manikanda-Swamigal-Coimbatore-

http://www.scribd.com/doc/18794512/Saktha-Shri-Varahi-manikanda-swamigals-Varahi-vijyam-spritual-magazine

Mother gave me a very strong intent to add the Khadgamala Stotra Video - a very powerful yet simple slogam for Sri Chakra puja, from Devipuram, the land of my beloved Divine Mother Sahasrakshi and Guruji Sri Karuna & Srilasri Amritananda Natha Saraswati. She is worshiped as the Ashta Matrukas in the Sri Chakra and this is video depicts all the Shaktis of the Sri Chakra in Divine form.

Worshiping Sri Varahi in the Sri Chakra
We can listen to Her sahasranama on Raaga through this link below

It is best to get Her mantra from a devoted Guru, Some slokas for Ambal Varahi are listed here
http://www.varahibangalore.org/varahisahasranamam.html
http://www.varahibangalore.org/varahiashtottaram.html
http://www.varahibangalore.org/varahisiddiarchanai.html
http://www.hindupedia.com/tst/Varahi_anugrahashtam

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Divine Mother Kalarathri - 7th aspect of Durga - Image courtesy - Exotic India Art The Light I saw through out the night resembled Kalarathri's skin color - A purple - blue hue. It took many forms.. however i cannot recollect any specific form from my experience.

June 8th: Divine Mother Kalarathri Unlocking my conscience: That night as I retired to bed, I kept giving thanks and begged Mother to please let me know how I could serve Her? How I could please Her for this extra-ordinary blessings of vision and experience? I believe I was woken up to see a black form at night and was quite petrified. Mother probably realized i was not ready for this experience. I kept going in and out of consciousness. I saw a glass made of ice filling with water on my deck and then hot water burning on my stove. I could feel the heat and cold - but nothing hurt me. Someone was pushing my lips up and down like they were brushing the outside of my mouth. It felt like there was a Divine attempt to cleanse the words spoken by my being. One part of me was attempting to wake up and see who was with me, while another was lulling me into sleep. I saw lot of violet light that night and was woken up a few times with jerks at my heart center, only to be filled with even more violet light. I couldnt tell if I was asleep or awake with the light. It felt that I was awake, but have a very hazy memory of my experience. I was in some kind of dark land. We were solving a circular puzzle with 4 parts. This puzzle was actually problems of people. I solved many of them. The first part was usually a question/problem. The 2nd part was a solution. Part 3 were obstacles to realize the solution and Part 4 was deploying the solution to the problem. I remember Mother telling me that I need to listen more often than speak.. but nothing more. There were 2 men guiding me through this whole locking/unlocking experience. It appeared to me they were high tech magicians.. using super computers to control everything. One of these men was much older than the other. They were both protecting me and guiding me through the experience, assuring me everything was in their control. I felt like they were my Gurus. I was doing very odd things.. flying, converting into small form.. experiencing great fear from some forces chasing me - these forces were trying hard to prevent me from unlocking the solution. I was trying to grab or pass on a magic stick which was the key. It was really like i was in a thriller movie.. only couldnt remember it scene by scene. There was so much of darkness during the whole experience, it was very eerie. Just before I woke up, I was told that it was Mother Kalarathri, an aspect of Durga was with me through out the night! Durga/Kali are my favorite icons of Mother, however I am no particular follower of Goddess Kalarathri. Infact I am scared of Her disheveled form. To know that She blessed me through the night was another unexplainable blessed experience! I woke up the next morning feeling like i didnt get a wink of sleep, however I couldnt recollect clearly many of my experiences from the prior night. It felt like there was Divine Presence, protection and guidance through out the night with me.

Here is a summary of Kalaratri from exotic India
A form of mother, Kalaratri is extremely frightening to look at but she is always auspicious in effect. This is why she is otherwise known as Subhankari (doing good). So the devotees need not feel any fear from her.
On the seventh day of Navaratra the worship of Kalaratri form is prescribed by the scriptures. This day the mind of the striver reaches Sahasrara Cakra. For such a striver the door of all Siddhis of the universe start opening. This day the Sadhaka with all his faculties is identified with the mother Kalaratri. As a result of her direct vision the devotee becomes quite fit to earn all sorts of virtues. All his sins and obstacles in his way are completely destroyed. He attains the abodes which are the fruit of inexhaustible virtues.
The mother, Kalaratri destroys the wicked. Danava, Daitya, Raksasa, Bhuta, Preta and all other evil spirits are terrified and run away as soon as the devotee remembers Kalaratri. She is also the remover of planetary evil effects. Her worshipper has no fear from fire, water, wild beings, enemy or night. By her grace he always remains unmindful of any fear.

Sri Muthuvaduganatha Swamigal Siddhar

A Siddhar associated with Varahi: After writing my artcile, I tried to do some research on Varahi and landed myself on the webpage of a place near Madurai dedicated to Sri Muthuvaduganatha Swamigal Siddhar. He is believed to be an avatara of Mother Varahi and attained Jiva Samadhi at 96 years of age. Story has it that Several years after his Jiva Samadhi, when a large temple was being constructed to house the Moola Sthan / Jiva Samadhi, a small portion of the Samadhi was noticed to be slightly damaged.
A young girl who happened to pass by the Samadhi got a glimpse of our Siddhar whose body had become of Divine Golden Colour, with his long hair extending to the ground and the garland of mogra flowers fresh on his neck for over 108 years. He has not only himself attained eternal life but also conferred the same benediction on the garland of mogra flowers which was fresh and emitting fragrance as well as the Ghee lamp and Agarbatti, incence sticks !
What intrigued me was that this Siddhar was born as a child in a royal family and after the death of his father, his mother fled the kingdom in the fear of persecution of his son. They were 'discriminated and banned from their own kingdom' due to the greed of their relatives. It is interesting since these are words(discriminated, banned) I heard when I contacted the spirit of Siddhar, asking for their experience with Divine Mother in the path of Self Realization. Was this the story I couldnt re-collect from my dialogue when I woke up the next morning ? I will never know. But i felt blessed that I was able to learn about the life of a holy soul who lives and blesses the world from his Samadhi even today!
One can visit this place through their website - http://www.supremesiddhar.org/index.html

Sri Muthuvaduganatha Swamigal Siddhar receiving Abishekam at his shrine near Madurai

SatGuru Gnanananda Giri - Seeing him in my
vision few times for the past months

Panduranga Vittale: I saw some songs one night. It was on a white sheet of paper with blue lines. The words were short and started to sing. However i was not able to wake my physical body up to make a copy. I could not compose it.
Yet another day, I had done some heavy duty gardening re-potting my tulsi saplings and peppers, the prior day and my legs were in pain hell, hip down. To make matters worse the iron supplements I took recently created incredible nausea, leaving me in a very uncomfortable situation. My son was being his usual spirited self that day and wouldnt let go of me. I couldnt eat very much and the pain in my legs had gotten so out of control that I started to cry out of sheer inadequacy. I started to hear anklets again. I check with my husband and he said he couldnt hear anything. My son and husband struggled hard to cope with the situation, so my sister gave me some massage and heat packs and tried to soothe me. Suffering in pain, As i was just asking Mother to give me strength to go through this excruciating pain, my conscience had already transported into depths I couldnt explain. I saw a holy man just looking at me with deep concern. I have seen him before - As i was trying to recognize him as Gynananda Giri - i started to hear 'Panduranga Vittale Harinarayana' from my conscience. I have not heard this song in the recent past, actually i have not heard this song before!. I dont know anything of this song beyond these words. I couldnt believe I was given a song when I was feeling so sick. I couldnt wake up to write it and quickly fell asleep. It was a special blessing. I started to get experiences with this great Satguru Gnanannda Giri after the song of Krishna was given to me in a vision. This is perhaps the 3rd or 4th time i had an auspicious vision of this holy saint. A quick search for this song, the next morning landed me on a Sai Bhajan in Youtube! My sister did some Pranic Healing for me. The next morning I was 90% healed and back to my normal routine. Tests and miracles are abound in the Eternal Garden of our master, all one needs to do, to avail of Grace, is the humble act of complete Surrender.

Panduranga Vittale Harinarayana - Sai Bhajan

Ganesha Mantra with several Healing properties from Guruji: "Aum Sreem Hreem Kleem Glaum Gam Ganapataye Vara Varada Sarvajana Me Vashamaanaya Svaahaa Tarpayaami namaha"

One of my favorite paintings of Ganesha - by Choosak Vissanukamron an artist from Thailand

My Loving Ganesha:As I was about to fall asleep one night i saw a beautiful image of Ganesha. This image was formed with several small black ants. Within a few brief seconds of this image formation, i felt a jerk at my heart center and immediately saw the whole image burst into pieces and the ants just falling out and dissap pear. Then I saw another multi colored almost like a rainbow colored Ganesha take form in front of my eyes and dissappear shortly as well. I love my Balachandra at home, incidentally the next morning I was in a big rush and didnt get an opportunity to pay my obeisance to him. As I was just about a few yards away from home, going where ever I needed to, He reminded me of this dream the prior night and how I had not kept my ritual with him that morning. I have this ritual of imagining that Ganesha(Balachandra whom I painted a couple years ago in my home) is my son , I normally give him a huge squeeze and kiss his cheeks and feet and tell him ‘ I love you so much my koshku - moshku ( meaning chubby and delicious!) baby Ganesha’..everyday in the morning when i walk into my hallway to start my day, cause thats where he is stationed!


Shiva Shakti - My dream had them filled with Sanskrit alphabets and facing the other direction

Narasimhar w/ Lakshmi

Lakshmi & Shiva Shakti: Yet another night i had visions of several gods. I was in what appeared to be a Vaishanvite temple and kept hearing the word Narasimha very often. These deities were either taking their turn for a parade outside the temple or where each receiving a bath and alankaram. Just to re-in-force my dream, i remember going to a huge educational institution and was waiting for a women I haven't even met before called ‘Lakshmi’. I woke up feeling like I was awake the whole night watching the proceedings at a temple that I had no memory of, except for seeing several beautiful decked Gods & Goddesses. Late the following morning, I decided to do Yoga Nidra.

This mostly leads to some interesting experiences every time i indulge in some Yoga Nidra. I was asking for blessings for some of the projects that I was working on and soon after kept repeating the thoughts - ‘Who am I and Why am I here?’ I saw myself as a small child, opening the door to a woman who was even taller than the door itself. She was wearing a beautiful white saree and as I opened the door, She merged into me. I had many more thoughts that I couldnt recover when I woke up, however this was was very distinct in my mind. A few seconds before i woke up, I saw a very beautiful picture - again white in color of what appeared to be Shiva-Shakti - both sitting together, with thier sides turned to my left - i guess looking West? However they were also completely White and there were several sanskrit alphabets covering every aspect of their form. My Yoga Nidra cd stopped playing and I woke up with these thoughts. The first thought with the white lady was - gosh.. did i see a ghost? I mean what happened? Then I told myself, well since She was wearing White, it could have been Goddess Saraswati. I was very happy to have seen Divine Mother and Shiva in various forms. As I sat down to do some work, I was prompted to go and listen to some Lakshmi related songs on Youtube. I had recieved several songs on the http://www.ahobilavalli.org/ website that were in words and I have not been lucky to find a CD or Youtube video of these except for the Sri Stuthi... So I decided to listen to the Sri Stuthi again.

Sri Stuthi - a beautiful song on MahaLakshmi

As I was listening, I was prompted to click on another video of what appeared to be a song for ‘Padmavati Thayar’, so I decided to listen to it. I was just mesmerised by the beautiful song, however more importantly, I saw Goddess Laksmi dressed in a White saree, receving Pal, thair abhishekam, making Her look completely White, just as I had encountered in my experience a few minutes ago! Totally shocked and overwhelmed by gratitude for a dream the prior night and a vision the next morning that converted itself to a tangible song and form of Divine Mother, that I can share with the world! What an extraordinary gift! She has been asking me repeatedly to share this Bliss with everyone! I have also been reminded to create some recitation vidoes of the beautiful songs She found me last year before Varalakshmi Puja. Her grace willing, this will happen soon.

Ksheerabdhi kanyakaku, a song dedicated to Maha Lakshmi (alamelu manga) composed by sage annamacharya, sung by MS Subbalakshmi

Sri Gurubhyo Namaha!

(06.06) Guru's Grace - I am the Seer & the Seen

2011-05-31T23:58:00.021-04:00

"What is night for all beings is the time of waking for the disciplined soul; and what is the time of waking for all is night for the sage with vision." (2.69) Bhagavat Gita

How can we gain this vision? By standing detached from the world, very much like a person on the moon, who would perceive all the trees of the world to be hanging upside down, as they actually are, only because he stands apart from it all. Somewhat like Archimedes, when he said: "Give me a firm spot on which to stand, and I will move the earth." The eagerly sought spot is however not a geographical location separate from where we already are. It is the mental condition of unattached (asanga) equanimity, with which we need to cleave the flawed tree of our distorted perception. Source: http://www.exoticindiaart.com/article/bhagavadgita/

Vithal Vittal Panduranga!

My spiritual journey continues with several visions and interesting experiences. I don’t have memory of all of them since I don’t write them down when they happen. I distinctly remember a few which I will detail in this post.

In short essence, I am witnessing several drastic changes in myself, not all are pleasant, however I am not delving into all of them, especially not the unpleasant ones. My soul has made leaps and bounds in de-conditioning the ego. I have gone from a constant battle between material and spiritual goals to doing both without any attachment. I don’t discriminate one being better than the other, nor do I want to do one over the other. From a person who loves setting and chasing goals, I am slowly but surely transforming into one who is comfortable not knowing the future, who doesn’t have burning questions, ambitions (spiritual or material) and one who is content neither being happy or sad, knowing that the very quality of contentment is momentary, much like joy or sorrow! This rapid transformation is brought about in me through my experiences – experiences that make no difference between happy or sad, good or bad, miracle or mundane.. for life is a finest of all miracles in our journey of Self discovery !... Evolution is the art, music and play of the Soul, the Ego serves merely as a witness.

I am reminded of the story of the Eagle which is very similar to our own spiritual re-birth. The eagle lives a grand 70 years! When it is about 40 years old, its wings age; making it incapable of soar high and find prey. It has 2 choices.. to die naturally at that age or to re-invent itself to live another 30 years. How does it re-invent itself? It first has to break its own beak and allow time for the new beak to grow. Then it has to pluck every single feather allowing new feather to emerge giving it a new body/life! Then it lives like a brand new eagle for 30 years!

This is not very far from the experiences we have to go through in a lifetime to experience spiritual re-birth. All that is old has to die and a new person has to evolve to merge with Supreme Consciousness! These changes are brought about through our Karma - experiencing joy and hardships, and the physiological changes that happen through electric impulses, visions, out of body experiences etc. They are traumatizing to the current being - but at the same time a new spiritual being is emerging out of this painful process, when we have mastered the art of Surrender!

The soul has begun its journey of resetting every cell and thought in the being. This does not mean that I am free from sufferings, nor that life becomes easy because of the presence/armour of Divine Grace. NO. What has happened is the increased sense of Surrender. Allowing that inner voice to communicate freely. THe more I pay heed to the inner voice without questioning it, and act upon it, the more it speaks to me. The more i embrace it and allow Divine Will to unfold, the more i am permeated by it.

This happened in stages -

Firstly we dont hear the voice at all. Due to some great lessons in our lives through suffering and pain, we delve inward, activating our inner guidance system - this voice in us.
Then there is the question of believing in this voice. We test it to see if what it says is true. Once we are convinced this voice exists, we are gripped with fear of the things this voice might say that we do not want to hear! We experience the conflict of Ego(Mind) & Surrender(Soul)
Later comes the hard part - acting upon what your conscience wants of you to do - Allowing the manifestation of the suggestions of this voice, without questioning: knowing fully well that it is the act of Divine Will in Us! This is Surrender.
When we repeatedly act according to our Inner voice, we will be surprised how quickly we receive Strength to face the karmic lessons that manifest as experiences for our evolution. Mind you, I am not saying we will not have difficulties: for they are essential for the rapid evolution of our being- all I am saying is that one is immediately made aware of Divine presence during suffering. When we have unquestionable faith in our guidance system, we are better able to accept the lesson instead of torment us by constantly seeking answers - the most favorite - ‘Why me?’

Many of these experiences are inconvenient to myself and to my loved ones in many unexplainable ways – for these are experiences that the mind cannot explain. Having rationalized all our experiences with the mind, these seem scary and bizarre, immediately posing the question – where might this lead to? I don’t know, I really do not want to know. Personally for me, the mind that was once galloping like a cheetah, is enjoying the stillness like a lake. Every ripple is savored – I am slowly beginning to enjoy the NOW. This has been the greatest gift which I did not desire, not can bring about through my own volition. It is a gift from my soul revealing its plan that I am completely unaware of, and I am asked to enjoy being the mere Witness!

Guruji' Sri Amritananda Natha Saraswati's Speeches in English on the topic of cultivating Divine Consciousness

Summary of Experiences:

Vithal/Panduranga/Vithobha & Rukumani Devi

Vithal : One afternoon, while I was taking a nap with my little one, I dreamed that I saw myself meeting a very holy person. There was a huge gathering awaiting his blessings. He was stout, had a round face, distinct belly, a white beard.. His disciples were telling the crowd that he was in his last stages of Sanyasa. They rattled off some terms that relate to the specific stages of Sanyasa which my mind is unable to recollect. He summoned me and said the word ‘Panchadasi’, while blessing me on my head with his hands. I had received this mantra recently from my Guruji from Devipuram. I was told intuitively when I woke up, that this was Gnayananda Giri. However I was not sure.

That night, I experienced myself in a very sandy location, which appeared to be a holy place. There were many songs being sung, but I couldn’t wake up my body to write them. There was much redish sand – like with burnt bricks.. I was given the word ‘Vittaldas’ several times and woken up, so I may remember this word. There is a story of how Lord Vittal stood on a brick to give his devotee a dharshan of himself. You can read the story here.

The next day Shiridi Baba was on my mind. I normally pick up a few of his books and randomly open a page to receive a message, if I feel the urge from Baba to do so. Baba’s ways of talking to me is very unique. I prefer this to be a one way process. I feel very biased if I have to ask Baba something.. even if it not personally for me. However when I receive a strong mental suggestion from Baba to open the book for a message about a particular person or a particular reason- the message is spot on! One clear incident that I’d like to share is about my sister’s wedding. She had met this boy and liked him but needed some final reassurance. I was busy with my morning chores. Baba specifically called me, asked me to open the book and told me he was giving me a message about this specific boy she had just met. The words that were given, had me spell bounded. It read ‘PERFECT MAN’. Eventually both my sister and this boy liked each other and we are eager to celebrate their wedding soon!.

Tukaram & Lord Vithal

Coming back, on this particular day after my dream about Vithal, Baba wanted to give me a message & I opened the book to read about Tukaram’s experience and his oneness with cosmic consciousness. Some research on the Internet let me to believe that both Tukaram & Gnanananda Giri were devotees of Lord Vittal. There was also a follower of Gnanananda Giri by the name Vittaldas who sang several bhajans on Krishna. It felt somehow that Lord Vittal of Pandarpur was blessing me with these several inter-connections!

Pleasant and Nasty experiences augment our spiritual progress: There is something here I want to mention about my visions- while I choose only to document the visions which I deem pleasant – using much of my mind to make the discrimination of what I like to recount, my consciousness is flooded with all kinds of visions. I am not sure if I am purging future karma through them, or seeing the past. There are many gory visions that fill my mind as well – such as danger, robbery, fire, murder, rape etc. I am intuitively informed that my visions are provided as a way to de-condition the mind which only attributes pleasant visions to the evolution of the soul. Also like the beautiful visions, the terrible dreams fade away rather quickly as well, making me realize that the good and bad are here to pass- neither lasts forever, nor is one superior to another. They are experiences that the Soul chose to observe for its evolution and I am just a mere witness. Easier said than done! Visions that the mind likes fills me with joy and the ones that the mind rejects brings about a bout of very negative emotions for the next day. Thankfully I forget most of them quickly and am saved of the haunting feeling I get from them! This holds true in life as well. Many of our hardships reset our conditioning, constantly changing the purpose and reason for our existence. It changes our perspective of people, our rigid rules that we abide by and our expectations out of life, ourselves and people around us! We are constantly being reset in every cell of our body, bring us closer to our true Nature - Supreme Consciousness!

Seeing Light: One of the striking miracles for me this month has been seeing light with my eyes open. Over time, I have started seeing a point of light almost instantaneously with eyes closed, sometimes just one point of light, other times many points of light – they are either Gold or dark blue/violet in color and last a few seconds. However, recently I have started seeing them with eyes open without any effort on my part. I could very well be using the toilet or just sitting on the computer typing or retiring to bed, I see these beautiful specks of light. Sometimes they are a collective mass floating – rather ascending from above and disappearing as soon as I become aware of their presence, craving to rationalize their presence or seeking to see more of them! They seem to appear when the mind is not focusing on anything – when there is stillness of the mind which I am not aware of – rather made aware by their presence. Then as I start to focus on them thereby activating my mind fully – they disappear!

I also see huge masses of light in my dreams. I had this dream where I was driving a car and had a head on collision with a motorbike. Instead of feeling any pain, my forehead was flooded by the bright golden yellow light from the bike! Yet another day I felt like lightening or a few tube-lights in very bright golden color just fall on my head and flood me with light! These experiences start with the fear of getting hurt by what the mind perceives in the dream as the physical object, but instead resets my being with Divine Light!

The Silent, Secret God

"In things mysterious, I am silence." (10.38)
"The silent one (mauni) is dear to me." (12.19)
"Silence is the penance of mind." (17.16)
A typical malady of the modern era is mankind's inner turmoil, the offshoot of an unnaturally fast pace of life. Silence (maun), means quietening this turbulence by withdrawing from activity and turning all effort inwards. The internal dialogue quietens gradually; and then, when the silence becomes profound, the voice of God speaks.
Thus, the more we come near to hearing God's own voice, entering the ultimate of mysteries, our own need to speak becomes lesser. Shri Ramakrishna compared this to the honeybee, which hums only while hovering over a flower. No sooner than it lands and begins to suck the nectar, all humming ceases. Source: http://www.exoticindiaart.com/article/bhagavadgita/

Silence – Internal & External: Another distinct experience this month has been of increased silence. While my challenge has always been to quiet the mind, this month, the mind has been so quiet, to a point of utmost discomfort. When the mind is so quiet internally, the whole being wants the same response from the outside world. Otherwise one is always trying to overcome the contradiction between the 2 worlds. When there is external calm and internal noise created by the mind – it is torture. When there is internal calm and external noise created by your environment – it is the same torture! Just when my mind decided to retract and give me the quietude of being the Soul – neither happy nor sad – I had a lot of environmental noise with the engagement of my family. Unable to enjoy the inner quietness, I was in a state of unhappiness, trying very hard to retract myself from my environment. To my family I appeared moody, depressed & overwhelmed. There was no reason for this depression, except for the mind craving to change its environment to reflect its state. Finally, I gave up this attempt of mine to run away from my surrounding and with earnestness chanted the Panchadasi mantra begging for Divine intervention. My mind has been restored to its normal chatter which resonates with its environment.

Goddess Dhumavati - Dasa Maha Vidyas -
close resemblance to Vision
asking to receive Lalita Kramam -
(Image courtesy Exotic India Art)

Lalita Kramam in Tamil: A few weeks ago, I started to compose a song in my dream. The words given to me where ‘Idaya Kaliye, Sahasrakshiye’. However instead of composing the song I was asked to perform the beautiful ritual that the child goddess BalaTripurasundari had initiated in my mind. , I normally perform a full abhisekam and adorn the Divine in Her female form and enjoy the mental picture of these events. This was the first vision given to me by Bala to worship Her. After I received initiation into Sri Vidya, I realized what I was doing was actually mental ‘Lalita Kramam’ for Divine Mother. This is a series of 64 upcharas or services offered to the Divine Mother in the form of Sri Chakra. This part of the Puja is very dear to me.

A thought was given to me to do this to myself. I told myself that it didn’t really matter, since intellectually I knew that Divinity was Omnipotent – present in everyone and everything! As I started thinking of oiling the Goddess’s hair, I said – oh! But my hair is very short.. that’s not as beautiful as Divine Mother’s hair that is long and lustrous like the sky! The play of duality and my mental conditioning became painfully obvious to me. As I struggled to get out of this thought of Goddess being external and much more beautiful and Divine than I: I saw a very ugly wrinkled, unhappy woman wanting to receive this puja. She resembled partly Kali and partly Dhumavati – the old widowed Goddess of the Dasa Maha Vidyas.

My conditioned mind which is normally used to imagining the Goddess as someone very beautiful, rejected this image and couldn’t proceed with the ritual that I hold close to my heart! Then a dialogue appeared – it was challenging my attachment to images in worship, re-iterating that my journey is that of the Soul which has no attributes. To think and act like the Soul, so I may be one with it, I need to see Divinity in all. Not merely in beautiful images – nor attach myself to any form – male/female, young/old, beautiful/ugly, good/bad – for these are attributes brought forth by the Ego – our veil of Ignorance that separates us from our true nature – the attributeless Soul! Having had this dialogue, I was asked to compose a poem on the ritualistic practice that I so much enjoy mentally, offering the ritual to myself and merging with the Divinity in me, making no distinction between myself and my Soul! It took me a while to complete the poem, because I couldn’t get un-interrupted time to myself. Finally with surrender and some attempts to do Yoga Nidra and experience the Super consciousness of my being, I was able to quickly complete the poetry at ease.

I am Me, You are also Me
In the tenth chapter of Bhagavat Gita, God says:
"In the tribe called Vrishni, I am Krishna and amongst the five Pandava brothers, I am Arjuna." (37)
Meaning, the one narrating the Bhagavad Gita (Krishna), is also the one listening to it, namely Arjuna. Source: http://www.exoticindiaart.com/article/bhagavadgita

Lalita Kramam - Intimate Internal Worship – 81 offerings to Divine Mother

Blessings & Removal of Duality

Udalum1 Uyirum2, Uriyum moochum3
unadhu dhaane Amma
Mana kovilil4 amaranthu katchi alikum,
Idaya Kaliye, Sahasrakshiye
Deivika oli ootri, ennai punidhamaakinai
Mangalam adaindha en manathai5
unakku manai aakinen
You are the body and life, you are the breath we inhale,
Our dear Divine Mother,
You live in the temple of our hearts and give us beautiful experiences,
Idaya Kaliye: Goddess Kali – Mother of Unconditional Love,
Sahasrakshiye: the 1000 petal lotus is your form – the infinite soul!
You poured Divine Light on our limited being(Ego) and reset our being- making us pure consciousness
Our hearts, having attained all auspiciousness from your Love,
Have become a seat for your existence!

Swami Srilasri Swaprakasananda Theertha Avadhootha - discourse about Devi in Telegu

Guruvai6 thoyuvum varam thandhai,
Agyanam agatri, Gnyana vilakin7
velicham jolika seithai
Doopa8 Deepa9 karpooram10 yetri
Nirgunamaaki11 vittaai yennai,
Naan – nee endra bedham thelindu
Unnakkule ayikiyam12 aaginen
Un Thiru sevaiyai panivudan purindu,
Yetru kollum selvam petren

You gave us the gift of a loving Spiritual teacher. With His/Her help, You gave us the wisdom of activating our inner wisdom (Guru Chakra - center for Soul wisdom in the energy body)
You dispelled our ignorance, allowing the Light of Wisdom to glow within us,
Through incense, lamp & camphor, you made us aware of our 3 human qualities – Tamas, Rajas & Sattwa- all associated with our limited Being(Ego),
Having destroyed our limited-ness, you make us without Attributes!
Thus being Attribut-less, there is no distinction between You & I, Our limiting veil of ignorance has been lifted, and being free – our soul merges into Supreme Consciousness!
We offer you our love through these rituals,
Being free from the concept of Duality, we also accept these rituals merging into You: we enjoy the true spiritual wealth of Freedom!

Starting Puja for Devi

Massage

Goddess Ganges

Manakum manayil mrithuvaai amarndhu
Muzu nilavil magindu nadanam puriyum
Thiru Gangai13 un karum koondhal aanaal
Please be seated Divine Mother, in a room filled with beautiful smells (Room - our hearts filled with auspicious thoughts);
Your dark tresses of hair glistens and shines with radiance, like the magical dance of the Ganges filled in trance: who is brimming with ecstasy in the healing energies of the full moon night,
We offer you the sacred water of the Ganges on your lustrous hair for a bath.

Sita Kalyanam Song - Jesudas!
Gouri14 Kalyaanam vaibogame
Sita15 kalyaanam vaibogame
Amma Lalita16 Kalyaanam vaibogame,
Endru aachayai paadal17 cheviyil olika,
Malligai malarin theyn,18 Koondalil vazigirathai:
Kanden, unarndhen!

Through music drenched in the love of Devotion, we offer you the Sacred Yoni where the Divine Mother Gowri births us into immortality,
We offer you the Spiritual nourishment of the bosom, from Mother Sita(Lakshmi) that fills us with Cosmic Bliss,
We offer you Supreme Consciousness (Lalita), the ruler of the 3 worlds (waking, sleeping, dreaming states of consciousness),
We offer you the nectar of the jasmine buds as oil on your lustrous hair,
Our eyes perceive this beautiful nectar dripping and wetting your beautiful tresses, Losing all Duality, we realize You in Us!

Annaiyin aishwariyam alikum aabarnangalai
Kaaval kanniyargal udan Pathirapadithivittu
Mangalamaana manjal pattil Mundu ittu19,
Upacharam thudanga: Kanden, Unarndhen!

Divine Mother’s (spiritual) wealth providing jewlery,
We offer to Your Guardian damsels, guarding the entrance of your Sanctum,
We adorn the Divine Mother with the auspicious yellow color, silk saree,
Now begins the great act/art of service to You: We see and realize our true Selves, making no distinction between your form and ours!

Oil bath for Divine Mother

Chikapu roja pondra un pattu menikku
Pani motru poziyum amrithathai
Aaraai20 vaziya: Kanden, unardhen!

Your skin/body is likened to the soft and luscious feel of the beautiful pink rose petals!
OUr eyes witness your physical form being drenched like a river: in the nectar of new formed buds brimming with dew drops, as oil for a massage!
We merge our beings into You, we realize You & I are One!

Abhayam alithu arul puriyum
Karangalai mruthuvaai uruvi21
Asuranai adimayaai vaithu irrukum
Paadangalai mella methu methuai pidithuvida22 ,
Lokathai sumakkum nenjathai, anbinaal
Un chella kuzandaiyai pol anaithu23 kolvadhai
Kanden, unardhen!

We want to serve your hands: those beautiful hands that ceaselessly offers Fearless-ness and Grace: We want to gently caress those tired hands in massage,
Your Feet that has kept under its control several demons( our inner enemies that we Surrender at your Lotus feet): We want to gently press them in massage,
Your heart that bears the burden of all suffering for our Deliverance: we want to hug it in tight embrace, with all the un-conditional love of your sweet infant!
Our eyes see these beautiful thoughts, and we merge into You to be One!

Bath

Thaayar Thulasiyum24 Gangaiyum25 unakku puriyum
Neeraadum sevaiyai26 paarthu, Eeswaranin nenjam kulira
Kameshwaranai kanda naanathil, Mugam sivakka,
Dhegam thee kollvadhai, kanden, unardhen!
The sight of Goddess Tulasi & Goddess Ganga engaging you in a beautiful bath:
Fills your husband’s (Easwaran) heart with Love for You,
You blush with the shyness of witnessing your husband, enjoying your bath:
Setting your body on Fire - with the passion for your Beloved,
Our eyes as the seer enjoys this sight and Merges into You, to become the Seen!

Curd Abhishekam for Divine Mother

Paal kudam yetru27, Paal vaziyum un mukam kandu
Makkal paravasam adaya, Unnai santhanathil neraadi28
Manam nirayainthen, unardhen!
With a beautiful vessel of milk, we give you a bath:
Seeing your innocent face drenched in milk:
fills the heart of your devotees with ecstasy!
We have the esteemed honor to bathe You
with the cooling-sweet smelling sandal,
You fill our hearts with Supreme Consciousness
Through this thought, and allow us (the Seer)
To become You (the Seen)

Manjal Abishekam for Divine Mother

Kumkumathil29 Thaai kulikum pozuthu
Paavam attra Paramanaai Pirappikka
Puniyam konden, unardhen!
Ammaiku Manjal30 ootrum pozudhu
Maanida piraviyin payan pettru
Poorichu ponen, unardhen!

When we bathe you in the holy vermilion,

We attain the blessing of human birth

As the faultless one - as Supreme Consciousness,

We see, We merge – You and I are One!

When we bathe with the sacred Turmeric waters,

We attain the gift of Human Life: through the joy of

Experiencing Supreme Consciousness,

We see, we merge, We are One!

Flower Alankaram - Sahasrakshi

Thaaiyin panchamritha31 sevayil
Swarga vaasal anubhavam , Adainthen, unardhen!
Thiruneer32 abhisekathil, Sivan udan ondri vitten,
Puspa mazayai33 potri, Theniyaai sutri vandu
Seviyil then ootrinen34 , unardhen!
When we offer you a bath made of the 5 holy nectars (Pancha Amrita),
We attain the experience of Life in Heaven,
We attain oneness with You!
When we bathe you in the sacred Holy Ash(dear to Siva),
We merge with Siva(our Soul), re-birthing ourselves from
Human form to eternity;
We drench You with a rain of sweet smelling flowers (used as a towel),
We take the form of a humming bee and sing in your beautiful ears,
We experience oneness with You!

Goddess Sahasrakshi - Silver Dress - Velli Kaapu

Sivanin swasa kaatril35 Meni kulir kayanthu
Suriyanai sambraniyai36 pogaithu
Koondhal aara vendum
Vaanathai velli kaapaai37 amaithu,
Vanavilai Paavaadai38 alangarithen, unardhen
Kaayandha koondhalil, kamalam39 midhakka,
Mu nadhigal sangamum kollum Triveniyil,
Unakku kunjalam40 kattivitten, unardhen!

Your body becomes warm from the breathe (used as a fan) of Your Beloved Consort,
We use the glorious Sun as sweet smelling smoke to dry your lustrous tresses,
We use the sky to create an armor for your body made of Silver,
We use the rainbow to create a beautiful skirt for You,
Adorning You thus, We realize that We are one with You!
We set some beautiful lotuses afloat on your silky flowing tresses,
We plait your hair, the three strands represent the 3 sacred rivers coming together,
At the Holy pilgrim of Triveni (where the plaits end), we braid your hair with a beautiful kunjalam, tied at the bottom.
We realize we are the Seer and the Seen!

Adoration of Her Indescribable beauteous Face

Ambal Sahasrakshi - Devipuram

Chandiranai kannaadiyai41 kai ittu
Kailaiyai kireedamai42 sootri
Binduvai pottaai43 amaithu
En Irunda vaazvil punidha vilakaai
Vilangum, un vizikallikku,
Karum naagathai mai44 yai ittu
Aum engira ull maniyai, Cheviyil jumukiyaai45 anindhu
Malli motru muzikum kodiyai maatalaai46 maati

We summon the moon to act as a hand mirror,
We place as your crown, the Mount of Kailash,
For your beautiful dot on your forehead:
we place the central Bindu of the Sri Chakra,
In our life of darkness, your eyes serve as
Sacred Light: we beautify your eyes with
Mascara: we use the dark black cobra as mascara
{Inner meaning Cobra: we awaken the eyes of inner wisdom through
the rise of the serpent Kundalini shakti in us, with Your Grace)
We adorn your ears with the primodial sound AUM:
We hang the beautiful vine of blushing jasmine buds around your ears,

Naasiyil, minikkum naksatrangalai mooku pottai47 kondu
Champaka puspathil bullakku48 sootri
Naavu sivakka vetrilai49 ootri
Un aasai amudham, Panchaksarathai50
Udhattukku nagayaai amaithu,
Sivan idam, Thaai konda eedilla punnagaiyai kandu,
Kan kulirden, unardhen,

We string the shining stars and adorn your nose with a nose ring
We use the Champaka flowers as a nose hanging for You,
We smear your beautiful tongue with the sweet betel leaves,
We decorate your beautiful lips with your favorite honey sweet
words - the Panchakshara Mantra (Aum Nama Sivaya)
that reminds you of your Beloved,
When you smile at your beloved Shiva with much love,
You fill our hearts and eyes with tears of ecstasy!
We realize we are the Seer and the Seen!

Adorning Her Divine form

Goddess Sahasrakshi - Devipuram

Sakala sampathai, aabharnangalai51
Amaithu kanden, unardhen, Anbai adikayaai52,
Panivai, por kaasu maalaiyaai53,
Nambikaiyai, nava-rathina sangiliyai54,

Adorning all the Wealth in the world,
We realize we are the Seer and the Seen!
We offer our unconditional Love as a necklace,
Humility as a garland of gold coins,
Faith as the chain of nine auspicious gems,

Lovely song on Divine Mother extolling Her Mercy in Bowli Raagam

Karunayai, karisanamum, chiru-perum thaaliyaai55,
Thyaagathai thanga Oddiyanamaai56,
Koodi koodi kodukum kaiyikku,
Bhaktiyai thanga kaapaai57,
Udhavum ullathai valayalaai58
We offer the qualities of Mercy and care,
As your small/large marriage ornaments
The thought of Sacrifice as your waist band,
Pure Devotion as the bracelet for the upper arm,
A heart that serves/helps as your bangles

Several hands of beautiful Mother!

Un meethu neengatha aasayai
Viral modiramaai59 chootri,
Vari vari vayangum perum thanmayai,
kaiyikku marudhaaniyaai60 ittu
We offer our unending love for you, As a ring for your finger,
The quality of giving without attachment
as the Henna for your hands

Mother's beautiful feet!

Un thiru paadathirku Saranaagthiyai Silambaai61,
mannikum manathai goluchaai62 sootri
Menmayana kaal viralgalukku
Than nalam attra nenjathai Mettaai63 ittu
Vizigal aandhathil peruga kanden, unardhen!

We offer the difficult quality of Surrender as your anklets,
The quality of forgiveness as bells for your feet,
For your soft gentle toes,
We offer our selflessness as toe rings
We see: our eyes filled with tears of un-explainable joy,
We realize we are the Seer and the Seen!

Special adoration of Her feet

Guruji performing Puja to his wife - Guru Amma Annapoornamba's feet

Guru thozuvum padangalikku –
Chandanam64, kumkumam65, manjalil66
Kolam67 ittu, thulasiyil koluchu ittu68
pushpamum69 serthu
Pujai paninden, unarden
Your feet is worshiped by the Teacher of all Teachers(Shiva),
We’d like to draw a beautiful art on your feet with
Sandal, vermilion and turmeric, we would like to offer
a garland of Tulasi around your feet and shower Your feet with flowers,
In offering such service at your Feet, we become one with You.

Offering Light and Food
Kaatravaraayanai kai virisiyai70 kondu Sevai seithu,
ullathil gynana deepam71 yetri,
manthirathil mangalam72 paadi
Manam kanda kan kolla katchikku aathaaramaai,
allavu illa aanandhathai Aarathi73 yeduthu
Using the Lord of Wind as a hand fan, we serve you,
We light the lamp of wisdom in our hearts,
We sing auspicious chants in Your Sweet name,
The mind/heart observes this extra-ordinary happy vision;
To etch this permanently in our hearts, we offer our
Unlimited joy as a lamp of holy fire to witness this scene

Amba Sahasrakshi lying on Shiva,
Also seen with her children (bottom) -
Balatripurasundari & Ganesha

Kaathu irrukum Kuzandai perumakkalukum,
Shatkiyil sari paadiyaana Sivanukkum,
Sarveshwariyikkum Sakarai Pongal74, kozukattai75,
vadai76, appam77, payasam78 pachidi79 pugatri,
Pachi poka vendum

To the children (cosmos) who are awaiting Your attention,
Your better half (Shiva - Supreme Consciousness) and Your esteemed Holy Self (Universal Creation),
We offer several delicacies to quench Your hunger

Special Worship – From Her Children & Husband

Piriyam ulla pillaimaargal80
Skandanukum, Gajendranukum
Gnyayam ootrum pozudhu
Bala Tripurasundari, Un
Thiru adiyil sevai puriyuval
Endha Poojayai yetru kondadhaal
Para Brahmanai unarum payer aanandham
Petryn, pittam thelindu
Parama Sivan81 aanen!

When you suckle you loving children Skanda & Gajendra
With eternal wisdom,
Your daughter BalaTripurasundari, offers service
At your lotus feet,
As you accept this beautiful offering
We experience the extra-ordinary blessing of realizing Supreme Conscience
We lose our ignorance: we realize we are the Seer and the Seen!
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Buddha Poornima

Pournami: This was the day of Wesak pournami and is very auspicious for Buddha. My grandmother has been ailing for a while and I decided to perform some mental healing come prayer for her as I retired to bed. I remember waking up a few times, because my healing kept stopping and my physical body was waking me up to complete it. That night I remember a very unusual dream. I met Haran Aiya (Peetathipati of Rush, NY) in my dream. He was conducting a program on Navavarana Puja and also a 10 day program on the teachings of Gurus. I kept telling myself that my Guru has taught me everything I need at this time and in my limited understanding, there was nothing more to learn for me. I could not make arrangements with my family to leave my little one and be away for 10 days. Then my dream disappeared. While I will never know what the content of the program was, receiving Guru’s call on Buddha Pournima was a very special blessing in itself!

Vishnu in Yoga Nidra

Yoga Nidra’s experience: The morning of completing the poetry – I had a very interesting experience. While the mind continued to be very silent – devoid of any questions or thoughts, I also had the blessing of a quiet external environment. I sat down in meditation- I sang to my Soul’s content and during this process saw beautiful points of light come and go. I maintained quietness for a while. Sitting in front of the huge altar of Buddha in my house, I received the message to let of the concept of ‘Permanence’. I was urged, to break from my shackles of conditioning and seeking. I was summoned to enjoy the stillness I was experiencing. A state where there was no happiness or sadness. No thought, no emotion, just witnessing the world without any attachment. Once this message was given to me, I started asking that this terrible dark heavy, almost metal like veil of ignorance that casts strongly over my being to a point where I cant emerge and see anything that is worth seeing: be lifted: that I may engage in this world with the wisdom and experience: that I am universal. I want to experience and enjoy the workings of the world from a point of wisdom of my true nature and not in pursuit of anything. That I may be just for being, I may see just for seeing and I may act knowing I am one with God! I asked that my being be filled with the wisdom of my true nature so I may cease the concept of ‘Seeking’! With this thought I did Yoga Nidra and experienced some interesting events.

Shiva Shakti

I saw a man and a woman – like a husband and wife engage in a dance. The woman was dressed like a goddess, while the man was wearing a black cloak covering his body and also partly his face. They were both slender. The man was a bit dark complexioned and had a mustache. The woman was beautiful. I somehow felt that I was the man clouded in the veil of ignorance represented by his black cloak and that the woman represented the Divinity in me! They were both merging into each other. Sometimes I saw the women’s face and the man’s body or the vise versa – the man’s face and torso, which continued to become the woman’s lower body. It felt like their dance concealed a part of them like in a hide and seek game. This continued for a bit. Suddenly they both disappeared and I saw a little child in a mother’s arms receiving much love through hugs and kisses. They were both laughing and enjoying each other’s affection, they were very happy. Much like myself and my little son. I felt like I was the mother and also the child. Then I saw my right eyebrow detach itself and float. In my experience, every time I opened my eyes, I saw my detached right eyebrow brush my eyes back to close it. Then I was suddenly transported to India. I very distinctly heard my uncle, my mother, father’s voice and another cousin’s voice in my uncle’s house in Bangalore. He was talking about his daughter’s admission into college. My mother was talking about my sister’s upcoming wedding. I felt like I was screaming for my sister who was home with me that day asking where these voices were coming from. Was my family in my home? Was she talking so loud to them on Skype? What was going on. But she did not respond to me. Then I felt my physical body drop back into bed and I was freed from this experience. I called for my sister and she was by my side immediately.

That night I specially called to the spirit of the siddhars, especially Pulipani siddhar since I have had some divine experiences in the past revealing his guidance, and asked again for his guidance, after the unexplainable experience with Yoga Nidra that morning. I offered surrender and went to sleep. I was blessed with a unique vision. In my dream I met a holy person who is guiding a good spiritual friend of mine. He offered me some neem leaves and asked me to consume it for my skin problems. I wasn’t particularly suffering from any skin issues at that time, though have had a history of some skin infection in the past. Then he ate it himself and kept walking in my garden. He came back again with a bunch of what I thought might have been the Tulsi leaves. He asked me to consume them for some reason, which I don’t recall. I remember introducing him to my father who was by my side and telling him that he resembled my grandfather – father’s father who passed away more than 10 years ago. Then my dream ended.

After the Yoga Nidra incident, I was very quickly able to complete the poem that I have been unable to write for a while! Poetry flowed very easily as usual.

Sankata Hara Chaturthi - We has made some Ghee at home, and I was going to indulge in some, when I heard my Balachandra’s voice asking for a Ghee Lamp! I offered it and while cooking that day I saw his form both in the oil & ghee vessels. No camera on sight and the images disappeared, as I had to use the oil and ghee immediately for cooking! That night I did some mantra japam with just the word ‘Hreem’ and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning with a pretty bad sinus infection. I was very tired and while my son was playing, I just dosed off in what seems like a conversation with the Divine. I heard an internal voice – asking me to come see Her at the Rajarajeshwari Peetam in NY which is a 7 hr drive for me. There was a dialogue and Mother told me that She would start giving me some healing songs which I need to use for specific people/situations. We chatted a bit and while I don’t want to delve into all the details before they can manifest (I still wonder if I am imagining these things), I told Ambal that Her willing I will be able to visit Her soon. Then I felt much better instantaneously, proving to me there was Healing and Divine Grace. I went to check email. I had heard from a spiritual friend and received a strong mental suggestion to go to her blog for a message. She has over 100 articles and I have read all of them at some point but don’t remember what each chapter contains. I was guided to check her blog for 2007 entries and go to the 18th entry there. I was asked to close my eyes and scroll till I was told. I did this for a while and my cursor highlighted a sentence with eyes closed. I opened my eyes and the message was staring at me lound and clear . It read ‘ I have been meaning to visit the Rajarajeshwari temple at Rush’! I was completely speechless! Ok, so I was no hallucinating.. thinking I want to go to Rush.. this was Divine calling! I was very happy that I might visit this temple in the near future, when Mother wills for me to do so.

Kali Yantra & Hanuman!

Hanuman’s Prayer That night, as I retiring to bed, I prayed asking for blessings on some of my material pursuits, offering them all at Divine feet.. so it may align with Divine Will in its fruition. I was told to be ready to receive a mantra at 7.00 AM the next morning on a Saturday. I had a very unusual dream. Before I begin, I just want to provide some background. My maternal grandmother has been very sick since the past 3 months, especially this past month – getting in and out of coma. We have all been praying for her, however I have been tuning into her a lot through visions and healing. This was a dream about her. She was lying .. in what looked like without any clothes, covered in sheets, next to my grandfather who was sitting in a puja. He as very sad, crying profuesly and was begging for Divine Intervention. He started to chant some phonetic syllables.. which was very odd to me. He reads Lalita Sahasranama every Friday, but more importantly he is a very ardent devotee of Rama. I had never heard him chant these syllables and was wondering what he was saying? Then from this scene, I am transported to another scene. This seems like a hostel of sorts.. like a dorm where several people are staying together for a pilgrimage. I see my husband there as well.. but something tells me we are not married as yet. I am very happy to be around him. We are in this holy place which is flooded with people. I suddenly start flying with very little effort. I am not sure why.. but I tell people.. why are you all not flying? Everybody can fly.. its not just me.. I am really enjoying flying. It seems such a natural part of my being. Everyone is staring at me like I am weird and I don’t understand it. I run to see my husband to tell him what happened.

Very Rare picture of Pancha Mukhi Hanuman - (Lord of Self Inquiry)
with his Beeja mantras inscribed on his body -
Striking resemblance to my vision
Image courtesy - Book 'Mantras' - by Harvey P Alper

Then suddenly I am queuing up outside the altar of a deity. The deity I am told his Hanuman, however resembles Goddess Kali a lot. A man is placing kumkum on everyone’s forehead like a priest. I see 3 of my friends/acquaintances there. One by the name Mythili (Rama’s consort) who is asking about my sister’s marriage alliance to a boy she knows. I tell her that my sister will not be interested. The other is Amita(meaning Longevity) and Archana(chanting/prayer).

Kali Yantra drawn on my forehead
in my vision

The man begins to draw the Kali yantra on my forehead. Its an inverted triangle, a circle within this triangle touching the walls of the triangle and a Bindu in the center of the circle. He tells me that I have been blessed to perform action without attaching myself to its outcomes. I should continue to use this blessing well. Then he began to stammer quite a bit and started to speak a different tongue which I had a hard time understanding. My acquaintances Amita & Archana explained to me that He was sharing that He had averted the death of someone in my mother’s side of the family. My dream ends and I am returned to full consciousness. Its about 6.30 Am, my son is awake and is asking me to go down. My husband offers to take him down, and lo behold at 7.00 AM, I am given a poetry to write.. very similar to the one I had heard my grandfather chant in my dream for his wife. I write it down. I am asked to chant it on Thursday to Hanuman for 108 times. I am asked not to share this poem with anyone. Then I start to google some of these words and very quickly I am taken to a Google Booksearch that brings to a very unique picture of Hanuman, that tallies pretty well with the dream. The Hanuman is a Panchamukhi Hanuman – one that I have a picture of in my house.. but not in a fiery form. The Pancha mukhi hanuman has 5 faces - that of a boar, tiger, parrot, horse & monkey. He was very dear to Saint Ragavendra (as I learned later) and allows us to go inward in our Self Enquiry of our true nature. This image of Hanuman resembles that of Kali and interestingly enough some of the syllables in my mantra are embedded in the Hanuman’s form, which is why I was able to find the image in the first place. What was even more interesting was that this was a book written by the author on the general science of mantras with the picture of Hanuman being on the cover and inside matching my word search. My search on google for the syllables in this mantra also leads me to a document that details the mantras for the last rites of a departed soul. I was unable to determine whether the vision meant that my grandmother would live or die.

My grandmother expired on Wed that week. I chanted this poem on Thursday as instructed and felt extraordinary inner peace. I was able to be in a state of thoughtlessness for a long time. While i do not understand 90% of the words in this poem, I felt much peace chanting it aloud and within and slowly eased into a state of no words/thoughts/emotions. I am still not provided permission to publish it. I have permission to recite it only on Thursdays. I dont understand the meaning of this taboo, I know that it is very calming to chant it. I will render it when my Soul instructs me to do so.

Blessings with Mantra Japam: I continued to do mantra japam for the following few nights and was blessed with several beautiful experiences.

The first being able to smell different scents. Of the scents sandal being the first - i woke up one morning, busied myself cooking and as I turned the music on for some holy chants, I smelled a strong whiff of sandal. This incident happened again, this time with my sister - we both smelled jasmine and the incense sticks at home for a brief 10-15 secs when we had not lit any incense at all. We immediately knew that Baba was with us, since I had been praying to him for the past few days constantly and reading a lovely book about him called the ‘Fakir’. I had begun to read this book given by a good friend of mine who felt compeled by Baba to share it with me. I was going through a very difficult bout of negative thoughts and was praying to Baba to give me strength. This book came very handy then and I felt that Baba was with me, listening to my woes and talking to me through the book.!

I also saw myself doing a beautiful puja to the 3 goddesses - the one that was vivid in my memory was Lakshmi. THere were some beautiful chants, however I couldnt remember them when I woke up.

Yet another day I saw a very beautiful golden form about 2 inches in size of both Goddess Durga & Ganesha. I was wondering to myself why was Durga so unusual? The golden form had Her face and then Her body was a erect standing mass, while I have imagined Her to always be sitting regally on Her lion with several hands holding different things. Then that afternoon, we went to my favorite store to look for some puzzles for my son. There She was! There were 2 beautiful figurines of very pretty women that closely resembled our Goddesses. They were brown, had a crown, a beautiful bindi on their forehead, their lips were smiling and their eyes were closed in meditation, however for their body - they had a huge mass like a pillar! I couldnt take my eyes off these 2 statues which appeared to be a set. However my inner voice did not give me permission to bring them home and I have left it at that. It was a beautiful sight!

Then came some interesting experiences. We had planned a weekend trip to 2 different places. My internal voice told me very clearly the day before leaving that we will not be able to visit them. The first place was canceled due to an illness that my sister experienced. The 2nd place was canceled because the area was closed to public access. Baba’s ways are mysterious. I did not question these instances. For me there was no disappointment. No one protects their children more lovingly than one's Guardian Angel. To experience His constant grace was the lesson through these experiences!

As I finish this post, I got another vision of Krishna as SriNathji as I was falling asleep last night. He was in a beautiful golden hue with his arm up. His image was in a circle. I immediately knew He was some form of Krishna.

SriNathji - a child form of Krishna

My experiences this month started with Krishna as Vithal, continued in some form as Kali, Dhumavathi, then as Hanuman, Lakshmi, Durga, Ganesha and has come a full circle as SriNathji again a child form of Krishna. SriNathji is a form of Krishna who is about 7 years old boy. The only explanation i have for this is the fact that I tell my boy a story about Krishna every night. In this story, a cowherd who is afraid to attend school because he has to pass a jungle calls for Krishna as instructed by his mother who cannot accompany him to school. Krishna comes to the boy's calling and takes him to school. I chant 'Krishna', Krishna' from the bottom of my conscience and animate this story to my best abilities to create love for the Divine in my son. I cant believe that Krishna hears my calling and thought I deserved a vision of His glorious form as a 7 year old boy! I had received this image of Krishna for my wedding and had kept it away in my cupboard for 7 years not knowing anything about this form of Krishna. It is probably a way for this loving child to find a place in our home for worship!

Sri Gurubhyo Namaha